Ramble

This post is really not going to live up to the title. Most of my religious, spiritual introspection has been to Tori Amos music lately. That's because of a lot of things. I haven't been to church in about a month. I don't have a home church so when I do go I'm just floating around. Tori Amos came out with a new album. And I suppose I've been backsliding.

I know that no one really reads this blog, but I have a fear that at random someone will read it and figure out who I am. That makes me want to censor myself. I've been having a really shitty week... emotionally. Otherwise things are going pretty well.

I'm too tired to talk about things. Then why did I start this entry? And why did I name it such a cool name?

There... I changed the name from the Church of Tori Amos to ramble.

Stream of consciousness for five minutes. I used to love stream of consciousness in school. We'd have to hand write on paper in out journal. I wonder if Brent Neal has good handwriting still. He had beautiful handwriting in seventh grade - in general, not just for a boy. Man I was in love with him.

I'm really horny lately. Really horny. I think my biological clock has started seriously ticking. Just think Milly is 3 years behind me and getting married. She's in for some really fun times with Art. And think about Dottie... she's about to have a baby. She's already been having some really fun times with her husband. GRR. I won't say that it's not fair because I don't really believe that.

What do I believe? I was going to name this blog entry The Church of Tori Amos because I've been asking myself that question while listening to music. The other day I was laying on the floor at Milly and Art's house and reading Art's old philosophy book. I reached a place that I'd never reached before. For five minutes I was an atheist. Seriously I'd stumbled across a belief that says that conciousness is just a biproduct of biology. It's like... a biproduct of living. Having a conciousness. It was longer than five minutes. For about two days, deep down I believed that. And now I'm not as Chrisitan as I was. And when people are talking about being Christian, they really are talking... well... when I was talking about being Christian, I was talking about my version of Christianity. I think a lot of people are. And so... Even as I grow I could still be technically Christian but I don't think I'll end up being the version of Christian that I was brought up to be. Michelle and Brent are I think. I don't know... I've drifted from Michelle and I never new Brent.

It's been five minutes and 28 seconds but now I'm thinking about Mythologies. Isn't it funny the little mythologies that can grow even around the people you went to high school with. It's like... the more isolated you are from reality this little false realities can grow... MYTHS. It's kinda like mold I guess.