Life in the Crapper...

I had a conversation with my mother today. It makes me think of... the way you can't smell your own breath. You know... unless you do that hand thing you really can't. I don't have a clear vision of myself. I was pissed off at characters of my favorite TV show for not seeing themselves and here I am not seeing myself.

Mama told me that I don't have a job, I don't pay rent the least I could do is help out around the house. She's right. The minute I thought about it I felt my hearts sink and I wished I were dead. That shows you how strong the hold on me is by... whatever! So this week starting tomorrow is a week off good honest work. Up by seven, at work by 8am every day. That's what Sherry Williams suggested in regards to job hunting. And that's not even that early. Nelson Mandela got up at 4am every morning. It's going to be difficult but not impossible.

I need to pray about it. I'm going to pray about it because I can't turn my life around on my own. But with God all things are possible. <3 It's not a copout. It's the truth. Pray for me too.